Thai'ing the Knot Read online

  “Didn’t know I could do that, did you?”

  Nat smiled in spite of himself. “No.”

  A shy look flitted across Ryu’s face. “I just didn’t want to make a mess. I know you’re worried about someone walking in.” He shifted forward on the table and brushed a kiss across Nat’s lips. “Let’s get home, Nat. So I can take care of you, like I promised.” He lifted the towel from the table and closed it around his hips.

  Still a bit dazed, Nat stepped back, giving Ryu space to slide off the table and rummage through his gym bag for the clean clothes he had stashed in it. Quietly, he watched Ryu slip on a fresh pair of boxer briefs. The sight of the thin material stretching over Ryu’s round ass cheeks and sloping thighs only made his already tight erection more painful. The boxer briefs were his favourite of Ryu’s underthings, far sexier than those G-strings he also liked to wear.

  Nat thought briefly of the first day they’d met, when Nat had wanted Ryu to cut off the hot pink tips of his dip-dyed hair. Ryu had tried to make some crazy point about how un-hideable he was by stripping down to his G-string and displaying his colourfully-tattooed body of perfect wiry muscles to Nat, front and back. Remembering that scene now, it had been the G-string that had shocked Nat the most about Ryu, the way the slip of material had let him see nearly everything and had sent him over the edge with hunger for the man.

  He watched Ryu slip on a T-shirt, baggy pants and tabi socks with their cutaway between the big toe and the other toes so Ryu could put on his sandals. The same disappointment always settled over Nat when Ryu’s body got covered with clothing.

  Just in time, however. A knock came at the door. Someone else to use the massage room.

  Ryu winked at him and picked up his gym bag. The glitter in his eyes seemed to say, See? I told you we had time for a quickie. He made another brief suggestive movement with his tongue then opened the door, greeting the guy he’d lost the sparring match to with a polite bow and a handshake, both to him and his trainer.

  Nat pulled the other towels off the massage table, making sure the space was clean for them, then followed Ryu out.

  Seeing his opponent seemed to have silenced Ryu, for the heaviness he’d had about him before the hand job now returned. For an emotionally steady person, Ryu’s moods shifted like the ocean breezes. Nat always wondered at this quality. It was like Ryu had several distinct personalities. One moment he was mischievous and seductive as he’d been in the massage room, the next he could be like a frightened little boy, then morph into a fierce boxer. Right now, Nat could see the young man who believed he’d failed his trainer and lover.

  Ryu was quiet until they were out on the sidewalk in the cool autumn air.

  “I’ll do better, Nat. I promise,” Ryu said, as if he’d been mindreading.

  Nat glanced at him. No, Ryu wasn’t psychic like Kiku. Nat chalked Ryu’s sensitivity to having grown up in a crime family, surrounded by threatening people. The apology made another pang hit Nat’s chest. “You did great, Ryu. I swear. I’m…proud of you.”

  Ryu’s eyes widened. “Really?”

  He nodded. “Really.” He touched the smaller man’s shoulder briefly, over his windbreaker. If they’d not been on a busy city sidewalk, he’d have stopped and pulled Ryu into an embrace. “Under the circumstances, you sparred incredibly well. I know from experience, most guys don’t fight their best after trauma for a while. Don’t underestimate the recovery time you need from what happened with Suzuki.” Even trained soldiers could be traumatised by taking another human life.

  Ryu’s eyes darkened again, this time with that sombreness that overtook him frequently. “You mean my killing him,” he muttered.

  The cool October air swirled gently around them. The sun was low in the sky, but the autumn light lent a lovely paleness to the blue above them. All a contrast to the darkness in Ryu, one that hadn’t been there before he’d killed Suzuki.

  Nat swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say, he only knew he had to say something and prayed to Buddha for the right words. “Ryu, I know how you feel about that,” he began slowly, letting the words fill his mind. After all, the White Tiger path Ryu had been practicing with him every night, though sexual in its orientation, was meant to allow the practitioner to enter the flow of life. “But if you hadn’t done it, we wouldn’t be standing here right now. Something hideous could have happened to you instead. And…well, that would’ve been horrible. I wouldn’t want that. I want you to be here. So much. Do you know what I mean?” As he spoke, he felt the heat burning in his own cheeks. Before meeting Ryu, the only person Nat had ever spoken his heart to was his twin brother, and Aran had been dead since they were sixteen. Finding Ryu had been like opening up a bright window onto a dark world.

  Ryu was still for several moments and Nat could practically see his words sinking into the other man’s consciousness. Ryu had the most expressive face Nat had ever seen, as readable as if the things he was feeling were pasted in words across his forehead. In the next second, Ryu got that look he had at times, that tender, sweet, yet fiery glow that made Nat’s whole insides surge and then turn to mush. Quite a miracle for a guy who’d once fought his way from the rice fields of the Thai countryside to a championship WBA title.

  Marry me, Ryu. As they did every day now for the last few weeks, the words rose in Nat’s mind with a ghostly force of their own. As always, Nat felt compelled to drop to one knee and do the whole romantic proposal thing.

  What stopped him each time, he didn’t know…

  “Nat?”

  Nat blinked, realising the depth of the reverie he’d just been in. Ryu’s face, brow furrowed came back into focus. “Sorry,” he said to Ryu.

  Ryu smiled. “It’s okay. I know saying mushy things is hard for you. And you just said one of the mushiest things anyone could ever say.” He paused, gazing up at Nat. In the next second, he went up on the balls of his feet and gave Nat a peck on the cheek, ignoring the glances they got from passersby. In spite of cultural conventions, Ryu had no issues with public displays of affection.

  The heat in Nat’s cheeks went up a couple of notches. “You’re welcome,” he murmured, urging Ryu to walk again. “I meant it.” The thought of proposal had left him distinctly uncomfortable, nagging like a pebble in his shoe. He thought quickly of Rawee, the woman he’d once been engaged to. That seemed like a completely different lifetime. What had stopped him then was his need for men. Ryu was the ultimate man, gorgeous, sexy, loving. So what was stopping him now?

  “Nat.”

  Nat glanced over at Ryu who smiled up at him again. The look in Ryu’s eyes told him the other man was still glowing from what he’d said. “I just wanted you to know how grateful I am you’re training me.”

  Resisting the urge to ruffle Ryu’s hair, he returned the smile. “The honour’s all mine. Really.”

  Ryu chuckled. Just as quickly his mirth faded, replaced by sadness. “If you say so, Nat. But I still want to show you how grateful I am when we get home. In our last few hours together.”

  Chapter Three

  Kiku was at his desk when Nat went into the office. The other man looked up from the computer monitor and nodded. His gaze flickered to Ryu who hung back in the doorway. “How was the practice spar?” he asked, though his quiet tone held more than the question.

  Nat cleared his throat to answer but Ryu spoke first. “I…lost. Badly.”

  To Nat’s surprise, a smile teased at Kiku’s lips. “And I’m sure Nat told you this was a dry run to get the kinks out for your real fight.”

  Ryu’s eyes widened briefly and he stepped into the room. “Yes.”

  Kiku’s smile faded and sympathy shone from his gaze. “Your trainer isn’t letting you sabotage anything, is he?”

  Tiny needles of energy skittered down Nat’s spine. Kiku’s insight could be shocking in its instant clarity. Then again, the man had been Ryu’s friend for over seventeen years. He knew Ryu well.

  “I did tell him just that, as a matter o
f fact,” Nat said.

  Kiku smiled at him now. Approval showed in his expression. Just as quickly, however, he grew solemn again. “You are right, of course. Ryu is a talented athlete, in spite of his own misgivings. I believe he has a good chance to win…if he doesn’t sabotage himself.” This last part said with his eyes on Ryu.

  Ryu looked down briefly. “Thank you, Kiku. I won’t sabotage it. I already promised Nat.” The tightness in his voice reminded Nat of the reason they’d come straight to Kiku’s office after getting back to the White Tiger.

  “You’re welcome, Ryu-chan,” Kiku said gently. Then, to Nat. “I’ve just printed out your e-ticket.” He lifted a piece of paper from his desk. “You’re booked on a Nippon Airways flight tonight at eight-forty-two.”

  Nat’s stomach flipped and he avoided looking at Ryu as he came forward and accepted the paperwork for his flight. “Thank you,” he said. “I’ll write you a check.”

  “I’m not worried about it. We can settle another time. You have a few hours until you leave. I’ll make sure a cab is waiting for you. Just…enjoy some time together.”

  “I don’t see why I can’t go too.” Ryu’s frustration broke through. He looked between Nat and Kiku. “It’s not right. I should be there with you, Nat.”

  Nat felt his resolve harden against the pleading frustration on Ryu’s beautiful face. Though he wanted to be with Ryu all day, every day, he didn’t want Ryu there to see him a prisoner, seated in front of the military tribunal, calling his professional and personal integrity into question. It would be humiliating enough. He wanted Ryu to respect him. Not pity him. But how to explain this all, especially when his tongue didn’t work the way he needed it to. The way it wasn’t working right now.

  “Nat, please.”

  Kiku came forward again, the way he had this morning and put an arm across Ryu’s shoulders. “Ryu, I don’t want to sound cold. You know how much I love you.”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t put Nat in this position. Don’t ask to see him go through such a thing. Put yourself in his place. You know I’m not one to approve of pride, but there is such a thing as dignity. You know how it feels to have your dignity dragged along the ground. That’s all I’ll say.”

  Ryu pinned Nat with his sorrowful yet stubborn look. “Is Kiku right? Is it what he says?”

  Nat’s heart pounded mercilessly. If there was any moment he feared Ryu would turn away from him and hate him, this was it. But having Ryu hate him was not as unbearable as Ryu seeing him humiliated. Wordlessly, he nodded.

  Emotions rippled through Ryu’s face and eyes, one after the other, as if Ryu couldn’t decide which feeling was the most prevalent inside him. Nat recognised this process in his lover, having seen it a few times at least in the past four months. Sadness was the one that passed through many times and remained when all the others passed away. “Is it so important to you, Nat?” His voice had fallen to a whisper.

  The question seemed to free Nat’s ability to speak. He stepped close to Ryu and pulled the smaller man into his arms. “Yes. It is.” He pushed his face into Ryu’s sweet-smelling hair and felt Ryu’s arms squeeze around him. They stood like that for what felt like a long time and Nat heard the whisper of movement as Kiku discreetly left the room. Ryu clutched at his jacket, pressing into his back. Every little movement Ryu ever made was full of his feelings, his being.

  When Ryu pulled back and looked up, his almond-shaped eyes shone, red-rimmed. “Come on,” he said softly. “Let’s go upstairs. We’re wasting time.”

  Nat followed him to the elevator. Once inside, Ryu blew out a breath and leant back inside the elevator. Nat stared at him. Suddenly it was clear why he hadn’t proposed to Ryu the way he ached to. Something inside him had known this would happen, that he’d be called back to Bangkok and taken to task for his role in Ryu’s abduction.

  At the time of the trial, the fact that he hadn’t replaced Tongmee when he’d seen clues of Tongmee’s frame of mind had been given leniency. Tongmee had undergone counselling and testing when he’d returned from compassion leave after his brother’s death from AIDS, and had been determined capable of fulfilling his duties. Something during their mission had set Tongmee off badly enough to plan Ryu’s abduction and deliver him into the hands of the very man their unit was protecting him from. In Tongmee’s court martial, this had come to light and Nat had been determined innocent.

  But he wasn’t innocent of having left the door to their room unlocked in his hurry to get Ryu’s clothes off and have sex with him. That, perhaps, had been the most irresponsible act any agent could have committed and yet, Tongmee had remained loyal enough not to speak of it in the trial.

  His negligence made Nat feel completely undeserving of Ryu even though Ryu knew about the unlocked door and didn’t blame him at all. If anything, Ryu blamed himself for having seduced Nat. The topic had been one of many discussions between them in the past four months.

  The elevator stopped on their floor and the doors slid open. Nat forced his attention back on the present. It did no good to get carried away with his feelings. He’d done that once before and had almost gotten Ryu killed.

  Ryu slipped his arm though Nat’s and squeezed as they went past the room Kiku shared with his lover, Yuzo. “Nat, you’d better come back as quickly as possible.”

  The heaviness pressed on Nat’s chest as they stopped in front of the door to their room. “I promise I’ll come back as quickly as possible,” he said softly.

  Ryu glanced at him, his face sad. He nodded quickly and slid back the soji screen to their room. Nat followed him in and stood by the bed, watching Ryu hang his boxing gloves in the closet. In the last four months, this little room, simply but beautifully decorated like all the rooms in the White Tiger, had come to be a haven. Nat glanced down at the black cover of the futon where Ryu curled up in his arms every night, falling asleep against him.

  The sweetness of it made a pang in Nat’s chest. He and Aran used to curl up like that to sleep when they were kids and even then, Nat had mourned the day when Aran had started showing interest in girls and the snuggling together had soon stopped. Aran had actually ended up going with their childhood friend Deena after she’d started the process of becoming a woman and Nat had simply tagged after the two of them. But it all ended when they were sixteen and Aran got sick and died.

  Ryu was the one who’d helped him deal with the grief he’d hung on to for more than half his life.

  A shiver passed through Nat’s body. Ryu hadn’t judged him when his dreams of Aran woke both of them and Nat had revealed his secret. Sleeping with Ryu had given him back a sweetness he thought he’d lost forever. Of course, Ryu wasn’t Aran, but it didn’t matter. Ryu was incredible. The man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The ring to prove his feelings was tucked away in his clothing drawer.

  He felt a hand on his shoulder. The contact pulled him from another reverie.

  Ryu was smiling at him. “Hey,” he said softly, “don’t think I forgot about my promise.” The seductive edge in his tone reawakened the erection Nat had lost the second someone had knocked on the door to the massage room.

  Ryu’s hand slid from his shoulder. With both hands, he slid Nat’s jacket down his arms and tugged it off him. He tossed it onto the bed, laced their fingers together and led Nat over to the bed. “Have a seat,” he said, gently tugging Nat down. He knelt on the tatami in front of Nat and eased Nat back into a reclining position, supported on his elbows, before slipping between Nat’s thighs and pushing Nat’s t-shirt up. Nat raised his arms so Ryu could get the shirt off, which he did and tossed it away as he’d done with Nat’s jacket.

  A dreamy look slipped into Ryu’s even gaze, an expression he got just about every time they had sex. Nat still couldn’t believe he inspired such a response from a guy as hot and seductive as Ryu. “God, Nat, you’re so incredibly gorgeous.” His voice was a near whisper now and he leant forward, close enough that their lips brushed together. Before
Nat could answer, Ryu deepened the kiss. His tongue licked across Nat’s, back and forth in an exotic dance. Ryu’s woodsy scent floated around them, diffused by the warmth of their bodies so close.

  Nat sighed and sagged back, eyes closed. Ryu’s hands whispered across Nat’s chest, teasing his nipples in slow, light circles. “Ryu,” he whispered between deepening breaths, “I want to—”

  “What, Nat? What do you want to do?” Ryu’s eyes glittered mischievously. Ryu was good at teasing him, working him into a froth. Ryu could be so abandoned and yet in control of their passion, guiding it to different heights like a skilled conductor of a symphony. He was definitely in control now and Nat succumbed.

  “I want you…underneath me,” Nat managed to say. His throat was thick from emotion and arousal.

  Ryu’s mischief reached his smile. His full lips curved up and he parted them just enough to slide his tongue along the seam.

  Nat’s cock surged, pushing against his jeans. Ryu worked such magic with that tongue in the most sensitive areas on his body that Nat was conditioned. The sight of that pink moist organ made his very asshole quiver, just knowing how Ryu would lick his hole until Nat nearly came just from that. “I want…” He panted, unable to say the words.

  Ryu brushed his fingertips across Nat’s stomach, just above his bellybutton. With his index finger, Ryu teased the indentation and licked across his bottom lip again. “Tell me more, Nat. What do you want?” He ended the question with the slide of his finger around Nat’s bellybutton then lower, where he undid the button and fly. Ryu’s breath pulsed hot on his exposed skin.

  “When you come back,” Ryu said and trailed seductive fingertips down the centre furrow of Nat’s pectoral muscles. Ryu was controlling their sex right now from fear of their upcoming separation, but couldn’t stop him. Ryu’s fingertips held him in their pleasurable thrall. “This?” He rubbed Nat’s cock over his boxers, softly at first then more firmly, tracing the hard length up and down.