Thai'ing the Knot Read online

  Before answering him, Hamura-san thanked the housekeeper for seeing Ryu up and asked her to bring them tea. Then he gave Ryu his attention. “Please, my friend, don’t stay down there. Come, sit next to me.”

  “Yes.” Obediently, Ryu rose and perched on the edge of the bed, never letting go of the elderly man’s hand. Hamura-san had been getting frailer in the past few months.

  “I’m so happy you’re here, Ryu-kun. I won’t keep you long, away from your new special friend.”

  Ryu bowed his head. “You’re not keeping me,” he said softly.

  Hamura-san squeezed his hand a tiny bit. He was always sensitive to Ryu’s distress. “Something has happened, hasn’t it? Please, you know you can tell me if it helps.”

  Ryu looked up, into the elderly man’s face. Hamura-san had the kindest eyes he’d ever seen. “You’re not feeling well. I couldn’t bother you.”

  “Nonsense. It makes me feel better to help you, if I can.”

  Ryu smiled at him, remembering when Yuzo first came to the White Tiger. Kiku had fallen immediately in love with the vivacious, physically intoxicating young man, much to Ryu’s distress. One night when Hamura-san had come for his massage, Ryu had broken into tears against his will, only to have the elderly man hold him until his tears were spent. “I want you to feel better, Hamura-san,” he said finally.

  Hamura-san’s smile widened. “Then please, unburden yourself to me.”

  With a sigh, Ryu told him about all that had happened that day, beginning with Nat’s phone call from Thailand, then his losing the sparring match and Nat’s leaving, insisting Ryu stay in Tokyo and attend to his scheduled fight.

  Hamura-san’s smile had faded while Ryu talked and when Ryu finished, the elderly man patted his cheek. “My dear friend, I’m so sorry.”

  Before Ryu could continue, the housekeeper announced herself and slid open the door, bearing a tray. Ryu rose and took it from her. He brought it over to the bed and served them both.

  “Thank you, Ryu-kun.” Hamura-san accepted the small white porcelain cup and waited for Ryu to pick up his own cup with both hands before taking a sip.

  Ryu sipped his tea after the older man did and closed his eyes as he swallowed. The tea was soothing, as was Hamura-san’s company. “Kiku and Nat both told me that Nat doesn’t want me to see him in prison, that he must face this alone and be done with it.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t he want me there with him? I’d want him to be with me.”

  Hamura-san looked thoughtful. “Perhaps you would, Ryu-kun. But if something like that actually happened, you might not. It’s difficult to know unless you’re in the situation.” He sighed and took another sip of tea before speaking again. “There are such things in life that each person must face absolutely alone. I’m getting closer to facing the most mysterious one of all.”

  Cold prickles ran over the tops of Ryu’s hands. Kiku had said a similar thing earlier this morning about death. He set his tea cup down. “Hamura-san,” he said, his voice slightly choked on the feelings rising up with unexpected force, “please, don’t die yet. I…would miss you too much.”

  Hamura-san smiled. He, too, set down his cup and picked up Ryu’s hand. “I don’t plan on leaving this world just yet. I would miss you too much as well, my little friend.” He squeezed Ryu’s hand. “I want to watch your fight.”

  Ryu’s heart thumped. “It’s scheduled to be on ESPN 3.”

  “Well, then, it’s a good thing I have cable television.”

  Ryu laughed but then the humour passed. He set the tea tray aside and sat back up on the bed. “Thank you, Hamura-san,” he said softly.

  The elderly man smiled at him. Understanding showed in his rheumy eyes.

  Ryu leant over and kissed the man’s forehead, still smooth in spite of the fact he was nearly eighty. He caressed Hamura-san’s thick snow-white hair for several moments.

  “You are like an angel, Ryu-kun.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Now, please, get comfortable, Ryu-kun, if you wish. Stay as long as you like. You see, like I told you, helping you made me better.”

  Gladly, Ryu stretched out beside him and Hamura-san lifted the remote control for the television. “There is a very good historical drama beginning tonight about the great samurai, Yamamoto Kansuke,” Hamura-san said, flicking the channels. He stopped on NHK, the Japan Broadcasting Corporation. “It should start in about five minutes.”

  “Sounds good.” Ryu rested his head on the elderly man’s shoulder and sighed. All he could do now was to wait for Nat to call and tell him he’d landed safely in Bangkok.

  * * * *

  Nat spent the entire flight to Bangkok thinking about Ryu. Ryu’s eyes, sad and hurt, yet also determined, haunted his mind even after the plane landed at Don Muang airport and he deplaned and passed through customs. It had been too dark out to see the spires of temples interspersed with tufts of green from palm fronds from the air, but Nat knew where everything was by heart.

  He also knew the men of his unit, Agents Chuek, Seinalloy and Pettoh, were waiting just beyond the gate through customs, in the same spot he’d once waited for Ryu’s arrival from Tokyo. Ryu had worn his hair dip-dyed, the ends shocking hot pink. The first thing Nat had seen of Ryu was his hair. The battle Nat had waged with the man over clipping those pink ends off had landed them in bed together.

  After passing through customs, Nat stopped before leaving that section of the airport. Once he delivered himself into their custody, he couldn’t know when he’d have a chance to call Ryu. Quickly, he activated the SIM card that would enable his mobile phone to work in Thailand and dialled Ryu’s mobile.

  Ryu picked up on the third ring. “Nat,” he said without a formal greeting. “You’re there safely?”

  “Yes.” Nat’s heart squeezed. The thought he wouldn’t fall asleep with Ryu’s slim body of wiry muscles curled up in his arms made him feel hopeless. Had he been right to keep Ryu from coming with him? Picturing Ryu there, speaking with him in a visitor’s room at the military prison, Nat knew that yes, he’d made the right decision. “I just passed through customs a minute ago. I wanted to hear your voice before I…meet my agents.”

  “I’m relieved. I miss you so much.” Ryu sounded as sad as Nat felt. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “Neither can I.” He decided to change the subject before the whole world saw him tear up. “Hey, how is Mr. Hamura? Are you visiting him?”

  “He’s a bit better. He just needed company. We were watching television together. I’m home now, though.”

  Nat smiled in spite of himself. He could just picture Ryu and this elderly man hanging out together, watching TV. It sounded like heaven compared to where he was going. “That’s very good. I’m glad. Please send my well wishes.”

  “I will, Nat. I…love you.” Ryu fell silent.

  Nat’s heart thumped. The statement comforted him. Made him feel his connection to Ryu even though they were so far apart now. He’d not said those words to anyone since Aran was alive. Aran had been the only person he’d said them to. Until now. “I love you too, Ryu.”

  Silence came through on the other end, broken only by Ryu’s breathing. Nat sensed the other man’s emotions roiling, as if they could come through the line as a palpable force. “When can I talk to you again?” he asked finally.

  “I don’t know.” Nat looked down at the floor. People were passing around him and he knew he needed to go through the gate and meet his agents before they suspected he wouldn’t show. “I’ll call you at every chance I get. I promise.”

  “Okay, Nat. I’ll wait for your calls.”

  “Don’t neglect your training, Ryu. You have a fight in three days. I’m going to make sure I can watch it.”

  He heard Ryu sniffle on the other end. “Okay. That’s my promise, Nat. I’ll work hard.”

  “Good.” He started walking towards the gate. The closer he drew, he saw the three agents standing at the opening, lookin
g in. Their gazes met his and they signalled to him. “I have to go now,” he said. His heart pounded and his hand holding the phone began to sweat. He would have stayed on the phone all night long, just listening to Ryu brush his teeth and get into bed and fall asleep.

  “Nat, promise me one more thing.”

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t forget to meditate.”

  Nat smiled again, feeling the tension in his facial muscles. “I promise.”

  “Good night, Nat.”

  The line clicked off. Heart aching, Nat closed his phone and shoved it into his jeans pocket just as he reached the gate.

  Agent Chuek stood in front of the other two and bowed first, hands steepled in front of him before shaking his hand. Agents Seinalloy and Pettoh did the same. Then Chuek frowned. He pulled something from his pocket. Something shiny.

  Shit. Handcuffs. Chuek looked mournful. “I’m sorry, Nat…Agent Phoenix, sir, but I have to put these on you.”

  “I understand.” He surrendered his gym bag to Agent Pettoh and held out his hands, aware of passersby turning their heads to see what was happening. Chuek manoeuvred Nat’s hands behind his back and together, and Nat felt the cold metal closing around each wrist, followed by the decisive click of the manacles that made him a prisoner.

  Quietly, holding onto his dignity as best he could, he let the men he’d commanded up until now lead him out of the airport, into the car that would take him to prison.

  Chapter Five

  Nat stared at himself in the mirror of the lavatory. Behind him, Agent Chuek’s reflection showed the man stood a few feet away, giving him space to shave and comb his hair. Some daylight came through the high set window, interrupted by the bars. He sighed as steam rose from the tap. The water was hot enough to shave and he depressed the button on the can from his shaving kit and began to lather his cheeks.

  The night without Ryu left him feeling emptier than the situation already had to begin with. The cot in his cell would have been too narrow for the both of them, but it hadn’t stopped the almost physical ache in his arms to hold Ryu as he fell asleep. From the first moment he’d held Ryu, comforting him during a flashback caused by his and Tongmee’s attempt to hold Ryu down and clip his pink hair, he’d discovered how perfectly Ryu fit in his arms, as if he’d always belonged in Nat’s embrace. In that early moment, Nat had known deep inside himself that Ryu was the one.

  Nat wet his safety razor and slid it across his left cheek. Even this act left him bereft. Ryu loved to sit nearby on the closed toilet seat each morning and watch him shave. Sometimes, Nat actually felt playful and scooped some shaving cream off his jaw and dabbed it onto Ryu’s nose or chin just to hear Ryu laugh. Damn, in four short months, his life and Ryu’s had become so interwoven, there wasn’t anything—eating breakfast, meditating, lying in bed—that didn’t make him think of his lover or long for him.

  Nat finished shaving, rinsed and patted his face dry. He combed his hair and placed his black beret on, completing his uniform of black button-down shirt with the pocket tab of Naresuan 261’s lightning bolt insignia, black baggy pants and boots. He squared his shoulders and turned to Chuek. “I’m ready.”

  Chuek stood at attention, similarly dressed. He saluted Nat and escorted him out of the lavatory and through a set of corridors to the hall where the tribunal awaited him. Thankfully, they’d left off with the handcuffs while Nat was contained in the building. Not that it mattered. As long as Ryu wasn’t here to see him like this, he didn’t care as much whether they cuffed him or not.

  The tribunal was already assembled when Nat was led to his seat facing them. Nat recognised all the men who’d been present at Tongmee’s trial, including the head commander of all forty Naresuan 261 units, the commander of the Thai Border Patrol Police of which Naresuan 261 was a division, as well as the company commander of the BPP’s Aerial Reinforcement Unit, directly supervising Naresuan.

  Nat’s gut tightened painfully. These men were not going to be lenient on a man charged with his country’s internal security, especially not when that man had been careless with his duties out of lust for another man.

  “Agent Nathaniel Phoenix, please stand.” The speaker was Sarit Wattana, commander of the BPP. “You are here under allegations of gross dereliction of duty and sexual misconduct. Do you understand the charges being investigated here against you, brought on by the late Agent Pracha Tongmee, who served under your command?”

  “Yes, sir. I do.” Nat remained calm even as the words ‘sexual misconduct’ stabbed him like a knife plunged into his back, the other reason he’d not wanted Ryu here. His lover had been subjected to enough humiliation by men with power over him. Nat refused to allow it here, even if it would help his case.

  “Please be seated. The interrogation will begin now.”

  The man on the end rose. His uniform distinguished him as a lieutenant in the Royal Thai Police, the attorney who would be asking the questions for the tribunal. Tall and thin, shoulders squared, the man pierced him with a look of deep concentration. “Agent Phoenix, I am Kowit Promnog of the Royal Thai police. I will be conducting this interrogation.”

  Nat nodded his acknowledgement.

  “Agent Phoenix, it was brought to our attention by Agent Tongmee that the night he abducted the subject your unit was assigned to protect, he claims the door to the room in which you were staying was unlocked. Is that correct?”

  “Yes, that’s correct.”

  “Can you please explain to the tribunal the reason as to why you did not make sure the door to your room was locked?”

  Nat cleared his throat. Quickly, he scanned the solemn faces lined up before him. “It was carelessness on my part,” he said, making eye contact with his superiors.

  “And what was this carelessness due to, Agent Phoenix?”

  “I was…thinking only about being…intimate with—”

  “With Ryu Miyazaki, the subject. Is that correct?”

  “Yes.” Thank Buddha Ryu wasn’t here for that cold humiliation. Sexual misconduct or not, what he and Ryu had, even in that moment, had been real. Love in its beginning passionate stage. Ryu’s sweet face rose in his mind, along with a determination that he would do all he could not to prolong discussion about Ryu.

  “And by intimate, you mean you were having sexual relations with Ryu Miyazaki?”

  “Yes.”

  Promnog paced in front of him. “During Agent Tongmee’s trial, you testified to Agent Tongmee’s compromised mental state, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “But in the course of those proceedings, you failed to mention that you’d left the door unlocked. In this court, omission of facts is perjury. Are you aware that you committed perjury?”

  “I am, but at the time, I was focused on the fact that an agent in my charge took advantage of his position to endanger Ryu and deliver him into the hands of the yakuza member we were protecting him from.”

  “I see.” Promnog clasped his hands behind his back and continued to pace. “And yet, you too, endangered Ryu Miyazaki, didn’t you?”

  Nat nodded. “Yes, I did. I make no excuses for my carelessness.”

  Promnog paced once more back and forth and halted in front of him. “Agent Phoenix, did you at any time order Agent Tongmee not to disclose your sexual relationship with Ryu Miyazaki or the fact that you left your door unlocked?”

  “I did not,” Nat said, keeping his tone controlled. Each mention of Ryu in this context made his blood feel hot in his veins. “I never said a word to Agent Tongmee on either of these matters. Aside from my one offer to have him reassigned, we discussed only our work at hand.” Last night, lying on the cot in his cell, Nat had reflected a long time on the fact that Tongmee never mentioned neither Nat nor Ryu to the tribunal, or the unlocked door, as if he’d been trying to maintain some sort of loyalty in the midst of his crisis. His later admission must have been something he’d decided to do when he’d made the decision to take his own life.

/>   “Thank you, Agent Phoenix. You may step down. I have no more questions for you at this time.”

  Nat rose from the chair and took his seat. In the hour that followed, he watched and listened to his other three agents each take the stand and answer Promnog’s battery of questions about their leader’s conduct. Had they known about their unit leader’s sexual relationship with Ryu Miyazaki? No, they had not, even though Chuek had seen Nat and Ryu dancing close together at a party the night Tongmee had abducted Ryu. Nat’s stomach tightened when Chuek took the stand.

  “Agent Chuek, you accompanied Agent Phoenix and Ryu Miyazaki to a party the night of the abduction, is that correct?”

  “Yes.”

  Nat watched the back of Agent Chuek’s head. He wondered what the expression on the agent’s face was.

  “Whose party was this?”

  “Deena Temoyavet, a childhood friend of Agent Phoenix.”

  “And you saw Agent Phoenix together with Ryu Miyazaki?”

  “Yes. They were dancing. It’s what one does at a party.”

  Nat felt a trickle of relief. Agent Chuek would be as loyal as possible without perjuring himself.

  “When you say dancing, can you describe what you saw?”

  Nat squelched the sudden need to massage the iron tension out of the back of his neck. He and Ryu had been dancing so close they’d probably appeared to be glued together, front to front. Nat remembered leaning in and brushing the tip of his tongue on the side of Ryu’s neck.

  “With all due respect to the court, I don’t understand how this question is relevant?”

  Promnog turned to the tribunal. “I’m trying to establish the level of misconduct committed by Agent Phoenix,” he said. “National security is at stake here. A man in his position must not compromise that in any way shape or form.”

  “We will allow the question,” Wattana said. “Agent Chuek, please answer the question.”

  Chuek cleared his throat. “It was dark. There were a lot of people and not much room to move around. I couldn’t see them that clearly but they were dancing together, facing each other.”